10 Ways to Get Better Cooperation From Your Kids (Without Losing Your Sh*t)
Let’s talk about the mythical dream of every parent: a world where kids listen the first time, follow instructions with gusto, and actually enjoy contributing to the household. Sounds nice, right? Well, I can’t promise a fairy tale, but with a few mindset shifts and some well-placed strategy, you might just get closer to that dream.
Here are 10 practical tips to help your kids become more cooperative—and maybe even enjoy it.
1. Drop the Bossiness, Keep the Big Picture
Before you start barking orders, take a moment to reflect: What kind of kid do you have? What really matters to you as a parent? If you’re firing off commands all day like a broken intercom, it all becomes white noise. Instead, focus on what aligns with your values and matters most.
Ask yourself: Does my kid need to perfect hospital corners on their bed, or do I just want it done my way? When you make fewer but more meaningful requests, kids are more likely to comply—not to please you, but because they’re actually learning life skills. And hey, isn’t that the goal?
2. Tell, Don’t Ask (But Be Nice About It)
“Could you please take out the trash?” sounds polite, but to kids, it’s a choice that isn’t really a choice. Instead, try something like: “It’s time to take out the trash. Thanks for helping out!” You’re setting a clear expectation without being bossy or demanding.
The key is timing. Don’t deliver your “kind demand” mid-tantrum or while they’re knee-deep in algebra homework. Pick a calm moment, and make your non-negotiables sound like a team effort.
3. Choices Are Your Secret Weapon
When you can, give your kids options—especially if they’re feeling boxed in by all the “do this, do that” vibes. Two choices are perfect:
• “Do you want to load the dishwasher now or in 10 minutes?”
• “Do you want to wear the red socks or the blue ones?”
It’s all about giving them a sense of control (while you stay firmly in the driver’s seat). For older kids, you can create a “freedoms list” together, showing them how responsibility leads to more independence. Bonus: You’ll look like the cool, forward-thinking parent you are.
4. Resist the Urge to Correct Everything
If your kid made their bed but it looks like a tornado passed through, bite your tongue. Seriously. If you swoop in with, “Nice try, but it’s not quite right,” they’re going to stop trying altogether. Instead, try to say something like: “You made your bed! I love seeing you take care of your space.”
Believe in their capability, even if it’s not perfect. The more they feel like you trust them, the more they’ll step up.
5. Don’t Outsource Your Least Favorite Chores
Let’s be honest: Sometimes we assign chores because we don’t want to do them ourselves. But if you’re going to redo their work anyway (looking at you, parents who re-wash dishes because they weren’t spotless), just skip the charade.
Instead, ask yourself: Is this task a meaningful contribution to the household? If not, save yourself the frustration and let it go.
6. Speak Their Language (Developmentally Speaking)
“Clean your room” can be too broad for a lot of kids. To a young kid, that might mean shoving toys under the bed and calling it a day. Instead, break it down: “Make your bed” or “Put your toys in the bin.”
The goal is to make tasks feel achievable and satisfying—not like a punishment. And don’t forget to make it fun: Blast their favorite song, have a race, or turn chore time into a mini dance party.
7. Make Mistakes Together
If you want your kids to feel confident, show them it’s okay to mess up. Fold laundry with them and let them see you fumble. Spill a little juice while pouring. Laugh it off and say something like, “Oops, guess I’m still learning too!”
This isn’t just about modeling humility; it’s about showing them that competence comes from practice—and that perfection isn’t required to contribute.
8. Praise Without the “But”
When your kid does something well, let them bask in the glow of your approval. Skip the caboose that derails the moment: “You vacuumed the living room! But you missed a spot under the couch.”
Instead, try to keep it simple: “You vacuumed the living room! Thanks for helping keep things tidy.” Be specific, be genuine, and leave it at that.
9. Embrace Natural Consequences
The world is one of the best teachers out there. If your kid doesn’t clean up their toys and the dog chews one up, that’s a lesson they won’t forget. Let them experience the logical outcomes of their actions (or inactions) without swooping in to fix everything.
10. Make Them Feel Necessary
Kids want to feel like they’re part of something bigger. When they contribute, explain how it helps the whole family: “When you unload the dishwasher, it gives us more time to hang out together.”
They’ll feel needed, valued, and like their actions have a purpose. That’s the sweet spot for cooperation.
Getting kids to cooperate isn’t about control; it’s about connection. When you lead with respect and clarity, you’ll see your kids rise to the occasion—most of the time. And for the other times? Well, there’s always coffee.
